Meeting with kindered spirits..finding connection..finding solace!

A few months ago we met a couple at the movies. We were watching a regional (Malayalam) movie, so it was obvious that we were all Malayalees. I vaguely remember the details of the movie, because the best part of that night wasn’t the movie but meeting them. As we were leaving, the mother came rushing to us and told her she was so happy to see our differently abled child up and thriving. She was in tears, and I immediately felt a connection because I knew that instant that she was hurting and looking for hope.. A feeling, unfortunately, I know quite too well. 

I’m an extrovert and I meet and talk to a lot of people. I strike conversations with Uber drivers, fellow patients (because I have a lot of hospital visits!), fellow parents of children with special needs and so on. Out of all these, something I genuinely love and feel inspired and empowered by, is talking to parents of a child/children with special needs. Because special needs parenting is not something anyone plans for at all. You stumble and fall on your face right into it. For the longest time you feel cheated for being pushed into this, but at the same time you face it head on, wing it as it goes, promising yourself and your little human that you won’t let any demons near your baby who already has a million medical difficulties to deal with already. 

We met that day and then life happened and we couldn’t meet again until last week. I got the chance to meet her beautiful baby, and I just couldn’t stop marveling at God’s weird way of giving us mothers the sweetest child. It’s almost like He/She is sorry to have given us a child with medical needs, but says, “Here’s what I’ll do, I’ll sweeten the deal and give you the sweetest child who never stops smiling! Your life will definitely be difficult but one look at your child’s face and you’ll know it’s all worth it.” And these children in turn will inspire you and make you better humans. They’re born fighters and will make you fighters too!”

Let me tell you a funny incident; When my son was just close to one, I was at a family gathering talking to a pregnant relative. She was in her 4th or 5th month and had already taken leave from work. So I casually mentioned, “Oh but why so early! If you work for a few more months, when you take your maternity leave, you’ll get more time to spend with the child”, to which she replied, “Oh that’s okay Chechi, the important thing is that nothing like “this” should happen!”, while pointing to my son. At the time I felt really bad and sobbed and fumed when I got home. But today, 13 years later, I can actually laugh at the whole incident. Because now I know that “this” would never happen to her, because “this” only happens to mothers who God knows will fight for life and take care of his precious children who have complex medical needs and need more attention. Mothers, who He/She knows will give their life to protect this fragile baby! I don’t think she would understand this even today because now I know that someone who hasn’t been through this never gets it and that is why God makes us meet. It’s like we are carrying a light inside of us, a torch, a beacon that attracts us to each other and we are destined to support each other. Please don’t think I’m ignoring fathers here, they are equally important and are our biggest support. I know first hand. It’s all a plan; First God gives us the right partner who will see us through all this and then hands his most fragile but most blessed babies to us!

You may call us “unfortunate” but trust me we are anything but that and we actually consider ourselves the exact opposite! We are the luckiest bastards alive because we are angels raising God’s most precious, delicate but strong, fighters who are probably hurting but have the biggest smiles!

I will not disclose their identity or the child’s diagnosis here, because I not only value their privacy but also because I truly believe their story will come out to the world at the right time. Another hurting mother will find her one day too and that day she will proudly show her child and say, “Hang in there! Trust me, it gets better!”