I had an overnight sleep study yesterday. As per sleep lab policies, visitors are not allowed to stay with the patient overnight..
Covered with wires and sensors all over my face, head and body I looked nothing less than a motherboard!
My husband usually tells me to wear my Fitbit at night to track sleep. But I keep telling him that I can’t sleep with anything extra on me. Well, I won’t say that anymore!
Well, this post is not about my sleep study, but, how it changed my thought process!
I’ll let you in on a secret, I have a strategy to trick my mind into thinking all is well! When I’m about to get an injection, I close my eyes and picture my son and me playing in a park with his dad trying to tickle us. This always works like a miracle! Whatever your happy thought is, think of that when you’re in pain physically or mentally.
So after taking a selfie of my ‘motherboard look’ , I found my thoughts drifting to the ‘victim mode’ of why this happened to me and so on. So, I started thinking of the “mother” in ‘motherboard’!
Before getting the appointment, I had told my son that his dad and I will have to stay in the hospital that night and that he he will have to sleep with his grandma
(By the way our 9 year old son still sleeps with us!:)
But later after getting the appointment, I informed him that his dad will be back home that night to sleep with him. Immediately his concern changed to how I will manage alone. “What if you have to use the restroom and you forget your way back to the room?”, he asked innocently. Now, there’s a background to this. I developed short term memory loss after the stroke so I have lost my way multiple times. So, I assured him it’s a private room with a restroom and there’s nothing to worry about.
Whenever I’m alone, my favorite thing to do is go down memory lane looking at old pictures. As I looked at my son’s baby pictures I realized how beautifully he’s growing up inside out. He’s the silver lining of all the dark clouds in my life! How incredibly lucky am I to have him as my son!
He came early in my life so that I could face the events in my life with courage. When I felt bad about being covered in wires, I thought of how my son was in the NICU, as a baby, just weighing a pound! We had to struggle to see him clearly in the incubator among all the wires of the sensors and tubes! Remembering those times is tough for me, but it gives me instant courage.
You see, while sometimes I trick my mind into believing things are fine; sometimes, I think of these sad times and give myself legit inspiration. I always say I never have to look outside for inspiration.
As for luck, there are many people who say I’m unlucky but I consider myself the luckiest. Which other 9 year old thinks of his mother’s safety and comfort before his own? I know I never did, as a kid. Yes, I did get a stroke. But I also have a strong support system that includes my husband, my mother and my son.
If there is one lesson I have learnt from my life is, count your blessings always and be thankful for what you have. Do not focus on what you don’t have, for it was never meant to be yours!