First off let me start with an apology. I’m so sorry for not blogging for the last few days. It’s precisely been a week since I blogged. It’s because I’m a new mom to a puppy!
Don’t laugh it off! Just imagine if your baby that poops and pees everywhere and needs 24/7 attention runs too. I’m not talking about a toilet trained toddler or a toddler in diapers. I’m talking about a fictional new born baby that can run too! And to add to the fun, our one month old puppy is teething too so he wants to bite, bite and bite all day! He doesn’t care if it’s a toy or a human :)
Do I sound like I’m ranting? I don’t blame you for thinking that. I sound like that to myself too.
Honestly I had no idea a puppy is so much work!
This brings me to our topic of the day ‘emotional decisions vs practical decisions’. I’m not the best person to vouch for practical decisions, because at least 80 percent of my decisions have been emotional.
The practical decision in our life right now would have been not adding anything to our normal life because it was finally getting on track. My son now walks with a crutch, I am in a good place where I’m able to do things independently, I can focus on in-home rehab and writing and also help with my son’s school and my husband can peacefully work from home and tend to every need in the house. But it’s basic human nature, we never stop wanting things! When everything was going smooth, we felt the need for another baby and when we learned that was not possible, we bought a puppy.
Now, as I said, this was an absolutely impractical decision, but so was deciding to raise our child. We had the option in India to unplug his life support. Trust me it was the darkest times of our life when we had to decide whether we should give up on our child. My husband said he’s fine with any decision I make. My mom had come over to help me and we both decided to sleep over it. The next morning both she and I woke up and said we are going to keep the baby. I felt, if he is fighting and living, who are we to decide otherwise! If he gives up on himself I will take it, but if he’s fighting, we will fight along! We didn’t care if we were going to fight this battle alone or with anyone else by our side. But we decided to fight! I had my mother with us then too just like she is with us now. For the last few days we have been thinking about whether we should return our puppy because our life is disrupted completely plus we feel we are not giving him enough attention.
But yesterday, Knuckles (our puppy) had a wellness appointment. I didn’t know we had scheduled for a drop-off appointment. At the vet’s office, when the nurse took Knuckles from me and told me to return after 3 hours, I felt my heart thumping. 3 hours! He cannot stay away from us for 10 minutes and vice versa! I felt my old anxiety rising and setting off a panic attack. I rushed to the car, seated myself and positioned my head between my knees and started taking long breaths to calm myself. I had learned this from my psychologist as a coping mechanism for my anxiety (another blog on this coming soon). That’s when I realized, I’m a mother again! Maybe people around us see a puppy, but I see my second child in Knuckles. When we got home, my mother asked where Knuckles is and I told her he’s going to be at the doctor’s for 3 hours. She yelled that how could I be so negligent and leave him there and come. I realized again that it’s not just I who became a mother, my mom has become a grandmother too!
This brings me back to our topic of discussion, ‘emotional decisions vs practical decisions’. You would’ve heard this advice quite often, “Don’t let your heart rule over your mind”. This is correct in a lot of instances. But somehow, it’s my emotional decisions that have brought me joy in the long run. It’s the decisions where I followed my heart that have brought me peace.
Just like how I feel now that deciding to raise our son was the best decision of our lives. I know 3 years down the line, I’m going to feel the same way about Knuckles.
We all at some point of our life face this dilemma of whether we should follow our heart or our brains. I can only tell you my experience. It may not always work for you.
But I chose the heart in most of the scenarios. Choosing my spouse, choosing to raise our child and choosing to stay with my family instead of continuing to stay in India for my treatment, these are all emotional decisions that have given me utmost joy.
So it’s not about being either practical or emotional always. The right thing to do is to let the situation decide what mentality we should be in! Think what will bring you joy in the long run but at the same time when we are chasing the future, we shouldn’t forget to live in the present. And if your present situation is bad, then look at the bigger picture.
Trust me, good times are just around the corner.. just keep walking!