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It's not the victim's fault!

Just like how we remember and honor our martyrs and soldiers on Independence Day and Republic Day and then forget them and move on, we speak about rape victims and sexually abused survivors for 2 days after the incident grabs headlines or is trending and then we move on!

I wrote a blog about Hathras and Balrampur and read some tweets about it and that’s it. I have moved on. But those victims don’t. They can’t! The horror that happened to them scars them for life. This is in fact a gift for humans to forget and adapt. Just like how people around me empathize with me for a while and then they move on. I have had so many old friends text me inquiring about what exactly happened to me. Some say they want to pray for me and need details. In the vulnerable state I was in,hoping for a miracle, I gave them all the details and then they have never contacted me after that. People want to know what’s happening in your life and once they juice it out, you never see them around! Maybe this is how they adapt and I don’t blame them. To each its own!

But I’m an empath. I read into people’s minds and absorb their sadness and deal with it and play it in my mind as my own. There are many empaths like me around. I’m not proud of this! I sometimes wish I wasn’t this affected from something I hear, read, or see. There is a valid reasoning and science behind this but whatever it is there are pros and cons to it.

The Hathras and Balrampur tragedies were pieces of news that stayed with me. The girls didn’t survive the horror and I’m thankful for that. But do we realize when a girl is sexually assaulted, we are depriving the world of one mother. She could have grown up to be an achiever, and a mother who would have nurtured a child. The elderly in my extended family believe a lot in horoscopes and destiny and ridicule me for not believing in it. Were these girls born with the destiny to be raped and die? They were normal girls like we once were, with hopes and dreams twinkling in their eyes. Aspiring to be scientists or doctors or anything under the sun. We deprived them of this opportunity. A chance to at least try and become what they want to be. They lost this opportunity because one boy somewhere wasn’t brought up right. One man didn’t respect women and saw them only as objects to satisfy his desire.

I drill this thought in almost all blogs of mine because I see only this as the right solution! Raise the next generation right. Mothers of daughters have a huge responsibility to teach their girls what is right and wrong, to defend and protect themselves. But mothers of boys have an even bigger responsibility, to raise their boys to not just distinguish between right and wrong but to always stand by and do the right thing.

My son is 9 years old and a few days back he told me he loves me because I’m his pretty beautiful mom. I was touched but I immediately told him that no matter how I looked, I would still love him the same way and that’s what matters, I told him it’s not the outer beauty of someone that matters and when he grows up he should choose his partner because they have a good heart. My husband told me “he’s just a kid and doesn’t understand this now!” but I still continue to teach my son all this because it’s a mother’s responsibility to teach her son all this so that he respects not just women but every person!

My son has mild sensory processing disorder and so he uses his sensory touch to feel secure and comfortable. He also shows his love or appreciation by touch. He does it the same way with all his friends. Both his dad and I explained it to him how girls wouldn’t appreciate that and would feel uncomfortable with this.

It is important that little boys and girls understand the difference between good and bad touch. It’s our responsibility to raise informed good citizens of the future.

I quote “with great power comes great responsibility”. We were blessed with the power to have kids and it’s now our responsibility to raise them right!


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