An old friend texted me yesterday about how her husband and she argue often. She said she wished she had a marriage like mine.
Let me just put it out there, if you think we don't argue and are always lovey-dovey then you're wrong! We argue and how!
Marriage comprises of two individuals which means it's two human beings and two human beings can't always agree on every thought or problem! Two brains will have two opinions and if you don't, you're plain stupid!
My husband and I have different opinions on almost everything, but every argument doesn't mean we are going to leave each other!
Saying that our marriage has been a roller coaster ride is an understatement. Imagine being on a rollercoaster without having a bar to hold on to. That's our marriage! So please don't compare or wish for your marriage to be like ours!
It's true that we argue less on petty things because we don't have the time to think about it. But that's only because we have bigger problems and I would never wish for you to go through it. You would think , a couple that has survived premature delivery, cerebral palsy and stroke would never argue. But we definitely do! It's just not the usual thing you would argue about. If you argue about breakfast, we argue about therapies. If you argue about who gets the T.V remote, we argue about medication!
In this crazy mix we have now brought in a puppy too! Just this morning, my husband and I were arguing about how many turns does each of us take to walk the dog! The only thing we did different is, after the argument, we both reflected on what each other meant to say. We both are managing multiple things. My husband is working from home full time plus tending to the puppy's needs. I'm managing my son's remote learning all day plus taking care of the puppy whenever I can. We both are doing as much as possible, and we both are tired and frustrated, so we lashed out at each other!
We didn't mean to hurt each other's feelings. And this is exactly why a marriage works or breaks.
If there's physical or emotional abusing by either spouse, turn around and leave immediately! But if there's not, it's just an argument. You do not need to feel like it's the end of the world or that you just have to live your whole life with a partner who doesn't understand you!
After every small argument, both spouses should make an effort to think from each other's point of view. I'm not a marriage expert. You know your partner and your marriage best. Just like parenting, there's no one size that fits all or a magic mantra to make any marriage work. You made a commitment to marry him or her so it's your responsibility to stand by it! Just because he/she doesn't agree with you or your opinions, it doesn't mean he/she doesn't love you.
Like in political arguments, you agree to disagree or you realize that it's a free country and everyone is entitled to their own choice and opinion. That is why we have elections. This is why every adult has the right to vote.
So enjoy your lives my friends, no two marriages are same and no two people are either. If you realize that, it will be a lot easier to get along with not just your spouse but anybody! I will leave with a statement as food for thought;
No one can be right always so what you think can't be the only right solution or opinion. And if anybody ends an argument with "I know better coz' I've lived longer and seen life more than you" that's absolute nonsense! Maturity doesn't come with age but experiences! So please be willing to hear the other person out and do not judge them.
With a little empathy your marriage or any other relationship can go a long way!