I’m back after a long break. Thank you for all the messages that came in enquiring about my health. It feels so good that my friends keep track of my posts and that my absence is felt. I’m in perfectly good health thanks to the ones who look out for me. We just moved to a new house and I just got busy with the packing and unpacking.
Talking about the ones looking out for us and absences being felt, today is a special day.. It has been 14 years since my father passed away. I wouldn’t say “since he left us” because he really has never left us. We have so much of him and his upbringing in my brother and me and we also see glimpses of him in our children, just enough to remind us of him everyday.
It’s been 14 years but it seems like yesterday he was still with us. Even in a call the other day my brother and I were laughing about some interesting incidents related to him. Yesterday my mother and I were talking about our home in Saudi Arabia where we lived a beautiful life with Pappa. Yes that’s what we called him.. Not “Papa”, but “Pappa”, where you enunciate the double p’s :)
It seems like yesterday that a 14 year old me curled up in his lap when I had a fever (for a brief period I went to school in Saudi Arabia). He called his friend to ask for a pediatrician and the friend said “oh pediatricians handle only small kids ” and he said “oh that’s alright, she’s mentally just eight years old anyway and when she has a fever, it goes down to a five!” That was our Pappa, he always had a joke up his sleeve, and brutally honest and sarcastic comebacks.He was like the ‘Chandler Bing’ of our family. His zodiac sign was Scorpio and he was 100% one!
They say as daughters our first love is our dad and then we look for our dad in our soulmate too. This definitely stands true for me. A strong sense of humor was my prime sine qua non (prerequisite) in my spouse (and he didn’t disappoint :))
I was extremely close to my dad and was his pet (my brother was...nope, still is, my mother’s pet) and so I usually would get my way through anything with him. My dad was pretty chill for an Indian dad and way ahead of his times. He gave me my first beer (quarter cup only) when I was 12, so yeah.. I have always idolized my father (for the right reasons too!). He sure wasn’t perfect but was imperfectly perfect for us. He was literally the papa bear looking out for us and so it deeply shocked us when he passed away so young at 53!
I always wish that Pappa had met my husband and my son. He was a character to be cherished. I started dating my husband in Dec 2006 and we lost Pappa in June 2007and I’m glad my father has at least seen a photograph of him.
I have gone through lots of ups and downs in life, but one thing I’m sure of is that I’ve survived all of them because he is watching over me, my guardian angel. It’s his love and his upbringing that helps us nurture so much love for him even today after 14 years. My brother once shared with me that whenever he has a long drive ahead and he’s alone, he doesn’t keep anything on the passenger seat, so that Pappa can sit there. Such a small intimate gesture right? And Pappa would be so proud how we have cherished him all along and kept him alive in our children too. Just like he wanted, our children call him “Pappa” too and keep hearing stories of him.
A lot of people ask me how I stay so calm and courageous through problems. Well, the first reason is because I was born to and raised by an iron lady and the second is because I know my guardian angel always has my back. I always trust things will fall into place eventually themselves because there’s my dad’s invisible hand to set the pieces of the puzzle right. I have always loved him the most and will continue to do so.
My Pappa.. my hero...forever! We love you and miss you loads!