I’m writing after a while now. I had a minor setback; had another episode of a severe migraine attack, this time with seizure like symptoms. With the deficits of my stroke already lurking, waiting to pounce at the slightest chance, this pushed my recovery back by about 20 percent. Isn’t it so frustrating, to land in the same position you have tried so hard to escape. It took a lot of hard work to bring my body to about 90 percent of my pre stroke self. It took a long time too! Precisely 3 years. So it wasn’t easy for me to take this as usual in my stride. I cried, I panicked, I let out my anger, but it’s all just to clear my head because in the end I know what I want. I want to physically be the woman I was before my stroke. Mentally, I like myself better now. No medicines altering my behavior, less hyper, less mood swings, not depressed!
But physically I want to be me again. I want to be able to sway to music like I could always. That was my getaway. My secret therapy. I yearn for that every moment.
I was sitting in the hospital all alone (because my husband had to be home with our son and our pet), thoughts spiraling around misery, when two of my friends sent me this video of Amanda Gorman, the Youth Poet Laureate, reciting one of her poems, “The Hill we climb” at the inaugural swearing in ceremony of the 46th President of the United States of America, Mr. Joe Biden and his Vice President elect Kamala Harris.
When I listened to “The Hill we climb”, it resonated so much with my present situation!
“We’ve braved the belly of the beast and known that quiet is not always peace and the norms and notions of what “just is” isn’t always justice”.
I always question, why me? It’s just not fair! When I face such situations, this thought always crosses my mind that God! I can personally show you people who deserve far more than my suffering but why are they walking free and I am strapped to a hospital bed. And then, almost always, just like it’s God’s plan, something like this poem comes to me and shows me a sign that my thinking is going in the wrong direction. I needn't be worried about what’s happening or going to happen to anybody else, their Karma will catch up to them too. But what I should be worried about is what I can do now to help myself and others facing the same. How I can inspire people with this special talent of writing. A girl can only dream they say.. but is that true? No, a girl can’t just dream, she can build and fall and rebuild until it’s perfect.
Just like in the poem, we’re far from perfect or pristine, but we’ve weathered the worst and now we shift our gaze from what’s between us to what’s before us. We look forward to what we can do and what we can build for a better world, a better tomorrow.
This quiet time I got, to rethink and rebuild myself, was necessary. I believe time is destiny and time is the one pulling our strings and we are mere puppets playing life out. I had slouched to mediocrity and monotony and this episode shook me up again to look forward to reality and change it! Time is the one pulling the strings, but sometimes, we just need to be stronger and look time right in the eye and say “Enough! It's my turn now!”
I have gotten back to writing and focus on what’s actually important. I will continue to write and inspire my readers, but I have an additional task in hand. A little girl with cerebral palsy once told me a wish she has, and I take it as my responsibility to write it and bring it out to the world.
I had started writing a lot of stories, but it finally came to this. I don’t know if this would even get published, but hey, a girl can only dream, right?;)
I hereby announce I’ve started writing my first book, and it’s aptly titled “Meera”.
I hope I can live up to this little sweet girl’s thoughts. And I hope I can spin my words and weave the picture I want to show the world. Keep my writing in your thoughts and prayers. I decided to share this with you to put it out in the universe and I hope she’s listening! :)
You might notice a shortage of blogs, but please do remember it’s all for a good cause and trust that I’m still writing for a purpose and it will come to you soon!
Thank you for all the messages you sent inquiring about my health. This concern from my readers is their love and I’m grateful for it!
Here’s to more Amanda Gorman's coming forward to inspire us and here’s to new beginnings! Cheers!